


Strength of a Different Kind

by tentacleTherapist



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Square Mom is Best Mom, comfort your soft cinnamon roll child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 21:16:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4452698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tentacleTherapist/pseuds/tentacleTherapist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steven is upset, but thankfully Garnet knows just what to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strength of a Different Kind

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this because i love to suffer and die. enjoy

He’s not sure why, but ever since the spaceship incident the world seems so... small. Mostly at night. It’s not so bad when there’s stuff to do, and it’s not like he isn't used to sleeping on his own; but tonight it feels like the walls are closing in ready to squeeze him into Steven-pulp and the shadows jump in the corners of his eyes. Even the moon seems distant and foreboding, staring down coldly through the window like a great blind eyeball. He rolls onto his stomach and pulls the blankets up over his head to shut out the light. He's had enough of floating body parts in the sky.

This is stupid. Not being able to sleep is stupid. His chest hurts. It’s no fun.

He wonders if his mom ever had this problem.

His stomach growls. Well, she probably didn't ever have _that_ problem, at least.

He rolls out of bed and takes the stairs without thinking, missing all the creaky points, and grabs a cookie from the jar in the kitchen, then another. The house remains silent and still beside the hiss of wind and waves outside... A little too silent, maybe. He takes a few paces towards the front door, and glances nervously back at the temple entrance– still closed – before stepping out onto the deck.

The moon looks higher and lonelier from out here. Steven plops down and dangles his legs between the railings, leaning his head on the scratchy wood, and takes a bite from his cookie. The sea reaches in gently to the sand, caressing it over and over. He used to find the waves calming before he watched Malachite get dragged down to the empty depths, screaming and writhing like a panicked animal. Now it feels like sitting on the edge of a cliff so high there’s no way to see the bottom. He stares at the shore, unblinking, and wills no monsters to rise from the foam.

When something soft and warm touches his shoulders he yelps.

“It’s just a blanket, Steven.” Garnet says. He turns to look at her; her mouth is curved into a reassuring smile.

“Oh... Hi, Garnet. Thanks.” He returns the smile weakly and pulls the blanket around his shoulders. “You’re up late too, huh?”

She takes a seat beside him with her back to the railings, close enough that he can feel the heat rising from her arm before she tucks the blanket around him more firmly. The sudden loss of contact makes him shudder.

“I thought you’d be out here. It’s cold.”

Steven nods and pulls his dangling feet back up out of the wind. The waves keep on crashing.

He risks a sideways glance at Garnet. She’s staring skywards, and if she notices him looking she doesn't indicate so. He turns his eyes back out to the dark sea.

“Do you ever get cold?”

He sees her head turn from the corner of his eye, and he can almost feel her regarding him.

“Not like humans do. Or other gems. I'm resilient to changes in temperature.”

He nods as best he can with his head rested back against the railings. His next question comes quieter.

“Do you... Ever get sad? About stuff?”

He feels Garnet sigh more than he hears it. Her right hand, warm on the flesh but cold on the gem - _Sapphire,_ he thinks – gently pulls his far shoulder down until he is lying with his head in her lap.

“Everyone gets sad sometimes,” She trails the warmer fingers of her Ruby-hand through his hair. “But you seem sad a lot lately.”

Steven shifts until his face is flat to her stomach. No eye contact here, thank you. Her hand continues to caress, slowly, almost lighter than he can feel.

“Do you, though?” He mumbles into her belly. His throat is tight, and his eyes are beginning to burn a little, and somehow the gentleness with which she’s petting his hair is going straight to his heart and making it ache. He sniffs as quietly as he can.

“More than I let on.” She says softly. “And I'm sad that you’re sad.”

Alarm. “I'm not sad-“

“Steven, you’re crying on my shirt.”

Well, he guesses she’s got him there. He sniffs a little harder and wraps his arms around her midsection. Her free hand, gentle and strong, rests on his back in a return of the embrace. The effort of not wailing like a little kid is making his head flush and his body shake, but... No! He doesn't want to worry her, or make her think maybe he’s not old enough to be going on missions after all, or... Or disappoint her.

A tiny sob escapes him before he can catch it, and Garnet is right there, rubbing circles on his nape with her fingertips. He gives up. Balls his fists into her shirt and cries as quietly as he can manage.

She pulls him up to hold him to her chest, but he doesn't notice that they’re moving until he hears the steps down to the beach creaking under their weight.

“G-Garnet?”

Her face remains passive, though there’s something in the tension of her body that doesn't sit quite right. She carries him easily in one arm and tucks the blanket around his feet with the other, then gently wipes his damp cheek with the hem.

“Where are we going?” He mumbles through a hitched breath, and fruitlessly rubs his eyes with the back of his hand. The tears just seem to spread around when he does it.

“Wherever we want.” She replies. “Left, or right?” Steven hesitates.

“Um... Right?”

Her lip twitches in the ghost of a smile, and she walks.

The cold of night is beginning to set in earnest now, and despite everything he’s glad she thought to bring the blanket out for him. By the time they pass the Big Donut, and Fryman’s, and then the arcade, the desperate vulnerable feeling in his chest is easing; but a few silent tears still dribble down his face and make his eyes sting bitterly with the effort. He allows his head to rest against her chest, soft and warm, and pulls the blanket to his nose until he’s just a pair of watery eyes staring out across the moonlit sands.

“Burrito baby,“ Garnet says fondly, and hugs him a little closer. “We used to do this a lot.”

“Huh?”

She pauses for a moment and looks out across the long water, towards the stars twinkling at the dark horizon’s edge.

“Ocean town was over there, before the incident.” She gestures towards the looming darkness. “When you were a baby you cried a lot. I’d walk you up and down here to get you to sleep.”

Steven’s eyes widen in confusion. “But I lived with my Dad back then.”

Garnet shrugs. “Greg worked a lot of jobs. Babies are expensive.” She says simply, and continues walking. “And he still needed time to himself to grieve for your mother, so I watched you a lot. You said your first word to me.” She adds with a slight smile.

“Was it just you taking care of me?” Steven asks, deliberately shoving the thought of his dad mourning down somewhere he didn't have to dwell on it. “What about Pearl and Amethyst? And what was my word?”

Garnet’s smile widens a little. “You said porkchop. Pearl and Amethyst were pretty useless. Pearl kept waking you up ‘cause she was convinced you were going to stop breathing in your sleep, and Amethyst...” She frowned. “She disappeared for a while after you were born. It was hard for her.”

Steven’s stomach sinks. He presses his face closer to her and breathes in her scent; sun-soaked earth and soft sandalwood, and tries to avoid thinking too hard about that.

It doesn't really work. He wonders what Amethyst did, out all alone in a world full of strangers. His eyes are beginning to prickle again.

Garnets pace and the comforting sway of her arms slow a little as the boardwalk gives out to rocky ground and the rolling hills of the peninsula. The air here is a little calmer, the waves a little softer. To his surprise he finds that he can hear Garnet’s heartbeat, strong and slow. He’s pretty sure it wasn't there a minute ago; somehow the sound is more comforting for the fact that she probably shapeshifted the organ in for his benefit.

“Ba-dom, ba-dom.” He says softly, and pats her chest with the rhythm.

“Ba-dom, ba-dom.” She agrees, and lifts him up to eye level. Her shades phase out suddenly, leaving him under the gentle scrutiny of all three eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s the sound hearts make!”

“Nice try.” She tucks him back up against her chest, warm and safe. “You don’t have to talk what’s upsetting you if you don’t want to. But I'm here if you do.”

Steven sighs and fidgets with the hem of the blanket. Even if he wanted to, what could he say? He’s not completely sure what’s wrong himself. It’s all too confusing.

“I think I want to,” He mumbles. “I just don’t know where to start. Or how to say it right.”

“There’s no right or wrong way to explain your feelings." Pebbles crunch beneath her feet. "Try to start at the beginning.”

The beginning? Well... He’s not exactly sure where _that_ is, either.

No. That’s not right. He squeezes his eyes shut and presses his face to Garnets neck, beneath the fuzzy curtain of her hair, and barely whispers.

“I think... It’s me.”

Garnet stops moving.

“I just -“ He leans back, glancing around desperately as if the answers might be somewhere in the sand. “I know you guys miss Mom. And I know I'm not as powerful as she was, or as smart or brave, or – or as good at helping everyone, but I want to! What if I can’t? Pearl and Amethyst really miss her and so does Dad, and I guess you too? And it feels like I should too, and I want to, but I don’t feel anything! I just wish...” He pauses, oblivious to the new tears rolling down his cheeks. “I wish I could have known her. I wish she was still here so you could all be happy again, but she’s not, and I. I don’t think I can be as good at stuff as she was. Even if she’s still inside me somehow? I'm only half gem, and I'm just a kid, and I – I, I’ll probably only live as long as a human, right?” His shoulders begin to tremble, and he finally meets Garnet’s eyes. “Will she come back when I d-“

He’s cut off by the force of Garnet’s hug. For a second, his tears hang motionless.

“I don’t know.” Garnet says at length. “And I don’t care. Steven...” She pulls back a little, and he’s shocked to see that her eyes are watering, too.

“Garnet?”

She looks away, blinking rapidly, and he hears her swallow.

“I'm sorry, Steven.” Their eyes meet again, two to three. “If I had known you felt like this I would have spoken to you sooner. Because you’re wrong.”

“Huh?”

Her hand finds its way to his hair again and she takes a seat on the grass looking out to the ocean. The horizon is starting to pale, ready for the new dawn. Together they look out at it.

“Rose made a choice.” Garnet says softly. “She chose to stay and protect this planet. She chose to love Greg. And she chose to leave you with us. And as far as I'm concerned, they were the right choices.”

“But why?” He asks miserably. “Wouldn't you be better off if-“

“No.” Garnet says sharply. “This isn't about us being better off. It’s not about choosing between the two of you.  You’re here now, and we love you every bit as much as we ever loved Rose. We wouldn't change you.”

“But what about Pearl?” He protests. “Or Amethyst?”

“They love you, too.” She says firmly. “They've always had their own issues, even when your mother was here. Just because they find it harder to cope without her doesn't mean they’d swap you to get her back. You mean more to them than that.” Steven meets her gaze, and she gives him a tender smile. “You’re a much better influence on us than you give yourself credit for. You have Rose’s greatest strength.”

Steven chews his lip a little hesitantly. “What’s that?”

“Love.” She says simply, and her eyes soften. “Love for others, despite anything. Even your own feelings.” She cups Stevens face in one hand and wipes away a tear with the pad of her thumb. “Rose doubted herself sometimes too, but she found strength in that love. It was strong enough to keep us all together against everything that wanted to destroy us, and it was strong enough to save this planet. I see that strength in you; you just need to hang on to it. And if you can’t,” She plants a kiss on the tip of his nose, prompting a giggle. “I’ll be here to be strong _for_ you.”

“Cause you’re made of love?” He asks with a weak smile. She grins.

“Exactly.”

-

The sun is rising by the time they arrive back at the temple, Steven sleeping peacefully in Garnet’s arms. Just like old times.

She tucks him back into bed and closes the curtains. His face is still a little red and swollen, but he looks peaceful enough. The temptation to watch over him until he wakes up is there, but she decides that it’s unnecessary. Besides, she needs to talk to Pearl and Amethyst about this before he wakes up. She turns to leave.

“Garnet?” She glances back towards the bed; one of Steven’s eyes is cracked open, squinting in the dawn light.

“Do you think...” He mumbles, and closes his eye. “...Mom would have loved me?”

Garnet smiles. Steven’s breathing evens, and he lets out a little snore.

“She would have adored you.”


End file.
